BAD WEEKEND
It was a really bad weekend for me. I came down with the flu and I found out my aunts husband remarried! That was a shocker and hard to deal with. My mom and grandmother are beyond angery It's only been 5 months. I feel bad for her daughters he made them attend the wedding. Their really upset they haven't had enough time to grieve for their mom. He doesn't care he only thinks of himself. He actually told them "they would be gone one day and he has to live his life." This adds to the families suspicion of him I just pray we will find closure soon. It's hard wondering everyday did she really do it or did he?
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
IT'S SO EASY TO BLAME OTHERS.
This weeks counseling session really has me thinking. While talking about how I blamed others around my aunt from preventing her death. A bell went off in my head when I got home I began to make a list. A list of mistakes I had made and blamed others for. I realized I was always putting myself in the role of the victim. When your blaming others its easy to forgive or just block out that mistake. I need to forgive myself for making these mistakes. Knowing that I learned form them and they made me a better person. It's easy to forgive other than it is your self. "Forever the victim I don't think so! " I'm going to look at my self in the mirror everyday and say "I forgive you."
This weeks counseling session really has me thinking. While talking about how I blamed others around my aunt from preventing her death. A bell went off in my head when I got home I began to make a list. A list of mistakes I had made and blamed others for. I realized I was always putting myself in the role of the victim. When your blaming others its easy to forgive or just block out that mistake. I need to forgive myself for making these mistakes. Knowing that I learned form them and they made me a better person. It's easy to forgive other than it is your self. "Forever the victim I don't think so! " I'm going to look at my self in the mirror everyday and say "I forgive you."
Thursday, April 8, 2010
I FEEL A CHANGE COMING SOON!
Nov.20,2009 was one of the worst days of my life. I spent the morning consoling a friend. Just letting her know that god doesn't give us more than we can handle. Little did I know I was going to put through a test of faith. When I felt she had calmed down I went home to take a nap. I awoke to the phone being shoved at me telling me it was my dad. He told me that my aunt had passed she had committed suicide.
I felt like my world had come to an end we shared such a special relationship. I didn't know how I could go on without her in my life. She had been hospitalized 2 months earlier for depression. After 2 weeks she was released me, my mom, and grandmother went to go stay with her. We took turns going back and forth so she wouldn't be alone. I had just returned home 1 week earlier because we ad another death in the family. I don't know if that was too much for her to handle or what.
I just cant understand why I never thought she could do something like this. She has 3 beautiful girls that she loved so much. I just cant see her leaving them alone. These last 5 months have been so hard. I cant how many times I've picked up the phone to call her. Only to realize that shes not there. Her death made me think about my life and things I want to change in it. Although I miss her terrible her death has made me make some positive changes in my life. I've been going to counseling and I'm starting to feel human again. It didn't kill me but it did make me stronger.
Nov.20,2009 was one of the worst days of my life. I spent the morning consoling a friend. Just letting her know that god doesn't give us more than we can handle. Little did I know I was going to put through a test of faith. When I felt she had calmed down I went home to take a nap. I awoke to the phone being shoved at me telling me it was my dad. He told me that my aunt had passed she had committed suicide.
I felt like my world had come to an end we shared such a special relationship. I didn't know how I could go on without her in my life. She had been hospitalized 2 months earlier for depression. After 2 weeks she was released me, my mom, and grandmother went to go stay with her. We took turns going back and forth so she wouldn't be alone. I had just returned home 1 week earlier because we ad another death in the family. I don't know if that was too much for her to handle or what.
I just cant understand why I never thought she could do something like this. She has 3 beautiful girls that she loved so much. I just cant see her leaving them alone. These last 5 months have been so hard. I cant how many times I've picked up the phone to call her. Only to realize that shes not there. Her death made me think about my life and things I want to change in it. Although I miss her terrible her death has made me make some positive changes in my life. I've been going to counseling and I'm starting to feel human again. It didn't kill me but it did make me stronger.
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